Bad Boy Blues

OK, so I have been pretty neglectful last year. Not regarding my dog, but blogging about him.

I apologize to my dog readers, but my personal-dating-life in 2010 fell into the shitter. Not really the shitter, but it's dangling right on the toilet seat.


Anywho, what's new on the dog front?

Well, Bennie has become potty trained. Yay.

However, he's developed some LAME habits. Here they go:

1. Split Personality Syndrome--At home, Bennie's the consummate gentleman, "Mommee, if you hold the door open, I'll wait for you to exit first. And Mommee, I never would bark annoyingly. Let's cuddle and play kissie." But once one of my friends come over, he becomes Spawn of Satan, barking and barking like a tweaker full of crack. YES, I tell him to sit, and push his butt down, and keep it there til he settles down, but then as soon as I get up, he repeats barking for minimum of twenty minutes.

2. Napoleon Syndrome in Bed--"NO one is allowed to move in bed!" So says Lord Bennie. If I move in the middle of the night, there's a growling, complaining, whining fit until I resume a corpse-like sleeping position again. Discipline him? Go for it. It's 3:00 a.m. and I have to get up in an hour for work. Go right ahead.

3. Discretionary Peeing--Bennie seems to think, that when I go off to work and he's stabled in the kitchen with baby gates, the tiny kitchen is his office where he'd NEVER think to pee or mark territory, unless he drank too much water. But if I let him reign over the living room while I run out for an hour to go to the grocery over the weekend? It's a regular ol' party, not Woodstock, it's Peestock, and he pees once by the green chair, once by the couch, and once for good measure under the guitar stand on my UNvarnished antique hardwood floor. "Whasss up, Homie?" he says once I get home, groceries in hand.

4. Mistaken Cat Identity Syndrome--Bennie has taken to sitting up along the narrow ledge of the couch while I read. This is cute and amusing to all. Until he farts, behind MY EAR!

There's oh, so much more like weird doggy B.O. and some funky cheese breath, but that's fodder for next time.