It's Fun to Have your Dog Play "Bitey-bitey!"

Doggie Bitie, Bad Dog! Bad Dog!

One blizzardy night when Scott was here over the holidays, Bennie sat on the couch. I wanted him to get off, because it was forbidden for Scott’s dogs, Koe-Koe and Sophie, to be on my furniture, so Bennie had to get off, too, to be fair. Besides, I wanted to lie down. After all, I’m the Mommie. I’m the boss, the one in charge.

“Get off the couch, Bennie,” I said. “Come on, move it.” Bennie just blinked at me and let out his gurggly-growl noise, the sound he also uses unfortunately to say either, “Whazzz up, Groovy Mommie?” or “Screw you,” only you never know until it’s too late.

“Up! Out!” No dice, so I bent over, though not as fast as I should have, and tried to pull up him by his harness. Showing off in front of Koe-Koe and Sophie, Bennie decided to show them he’s the Alpha dog and no “Mommie” is going to tell him what to do, so he sunk his thumbtack fangs deeply into Mommie’s thumb. I wanted to holler and jump up and down in pain, but I coolly said, “Bad Bennie,” and with a swat, bumped him off the couch. Then looked, aghast, as I saw that I was bleeding on the floor like an infantry soldier.

“Wow, Bennie sure is a dickhead,” Scott noted. Now to another dog owner, this is like saying to a parent, “Wow, your kid is a really spoiled, rotten, jerky brat.” And while your dog/kid might really be a "dickhead" or "brat," it isn't fun to be reminded of this.

This aggression thing on his part started last May. Until then, he was the poster child for perfect baby doggie. He’d run up to me in the mornings, like he hadn’t seen me in years, rest in my lap while I read the paper. He’d cuddle at the drop of a hat. You could pick him up almost like he was a little purse and tote him around with you, and he loved it. I'd even take him to happy hour in a little Paris Hilton style doggie bag, where he could peer out one end and party. He was the perfect date: he didn't argue with me, tell me we had to go or make me buy him a beer.

Then, out of nowhere, in May he started acting like a little psychotic, rabid lamb especially at bedtime. I raised him to like his kennel, and for the first 9 months, he’d gleefully trot off to bed every night when I’d say, “Time to go to bed!” Then I’d lean over and lock his little cage, and he’d fall asleep. But then in May, he started resenting being told to go to bed. Like an angst-ridden pre-teen, he’d run growling, cussing under his breath, backtalking and P.O.’d that Mommie dare say such a thing. So I started letting him sleep on a little bed in the living room, to give him his own space. But the aggression/territorialness continued, when he’d be sleepy and you wanted to pet him, he’d growl/snap and say, "Mommie Asshole!" and he's now to the point where any time you want to do something that displeases him (like ask him to get off the couch when he doesn’t want to), he gets snappy to the point of taking a bite outta you.

The really interesting thing is trying different things to prevent this and asking people for advice. I’ve heard, and tried, EVERYTHING under the sun, including advice from the Godfather of all dogs, The Dog Whisperer. That show slays me. WHY IS IT that HE can say, "Tssst-tsst," and stand just in front of a dog making that noise, and the dog redeems himself, as if he's spent hours in a confessional, yet for me nothing works.

A student in class once offered, “We just give him a swat on the nose, and that does the trick.” I just laughed, like Bennie would do if he heard such a suggestion. “He growls anyway,” I said. Another student said, “Grab him around the jaws and tell him not to growl.” Oh, that one works wonders when the dog moves faster than a snake and sinks his teeth into you, I told her as the class laughed. Then there’s the 1. Time Outs in the Kennel, which Bennie just uses as time to plot acts of revenge, like chewing up my favorite technical pencil while my back is turned. 2. Ignoring Bennie, which just means he figures it is a good time to take a nap and dream about his girlfriend, Sophie.

Then there’s the classic, “Show him you’re the alpha-male.” As if. Yes, I tried the pinning him down, pretending to bite his neck with my hand until he’s completely submissive which takes ten minutes, sometimes longer. Then guess what happens? As soon as you let him up, he has complete amnesia and starts growling again.

I guess Bichons are like what the AKC says about them. They’re “willful” and “stubborn.” They KNOW what the rules are. They’re not stupid, but they’re willing to face the consequences. They will comply once they’re tired of the LONG punishment game. And then and ONLY then will they comply by the rules.

I know. It took Bennie seven months to learn this simple rule: “Peeing and pooping in the house is NOT COOL.” But that’s fodder for another blog!

Happing Biting!